The significance of the process of ‘coming out’ - coming to terms with ones own sexuality as an LGBT person - has been highlighted by gay & lesbian organisations for many years. The ability to challenge internalised homophobia, or transphobia, to increase your self-esteem and develop healthier ways of dealing with society’s need to typecast and label people, is a fundamental part of ‘coming out’. The visibility of the increasing numbers of LGBT people will have a wider impact, challenging the stereotypes and prejudices of society.
There can be several steps to ‘coming out’. Firstly acknowledging, and then accepting that you are not heterosexual. Next, doing something about it, which can be scary and exciting! Then, telling the people who matter to you about the life decision you have made. This can be the hardest part and many LGBT people live ‘in the closest’ for years, because of fear of rejection, but friends and families love you no matter what and although it may take time, they will come around.
Below are some real life ‘Coming Out Stories’, plese email website {at} qalliance.org(.)uk if you would like to add your own.
***
Bex 
“My name is Bex and after nearly 34 years of being a cross dresser or T.V. (not telly) I made my mind up to come out and live my life to the max. I had just got divorced for the second time and there was just me and my daughter living in the house when I made my mind up. So the first hurdle I had was telling her !!!!
Now how do you tell your 14 year old daughter that you as her dad wants to become a woman and live full time in that roll, not just wear clothes of the opposite sex from time to time. Well after spending many sleepless nights in total turmoil and shedding more tears than I have ever done, I was talking to a very close girlfriend in the village were we lived at the time.
Well that Saturday night came round so fast it was unreal, well me and Polly sat down in my kitchen with my young-un and started to spill the beans to her. As I did the tears started to swell up with in me this was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. Heaven help any body in the same boat as you don’t know how they will take it even though at one point I was being so selfish. (wrong again) Well she was bloody brill about it.
After the normal questions; “Are you gay, do you fancy men, do you want a sex change, how long you been doing this?”, she turned to me and said come on then show me your wardrobe of clothes . Now did I hear right or not she never said I hate you or I want nothing to do with you it was a case of I love you dad and you do what you need to be happy with your life.
So I rest my case. How ever hard you may think it will be the people who love you and care for you will never stop loving you, just some take a bit longer to understand why you’re doing such a life changing thing.”
For more from Bex, goto Bex’s Bit
***
Jim
“Some years ago, I was out with a good friend of mine and we were driving back from somewhere and were talking away. That week I had already came out to my sister, who was really supportive and all of a sudden I had the urge to tell my mate the good news too … while he was driving!
The first thing he said was “that’s not the sort of thing you tell someone when they’re driving”, on reflection he had a good point. We talked a bit more and once the shock wore off he didn’t seem too bothered, he was a man of the world after all. Recently, I had my Civil Partnership ceremony and I was privilaged to have him as my Best Man.”
***
Gwil
“
I was 15 when I first came out to a girl in my class. She’d been speaking up for gays in general studies and I thought she was a lesbian but it turned out she wasn’t! I remember before that flipping a coin - if it was heads I decided to get married and be normal when I grew older, if it was tails then I’d keep on having sex with guys in public toilets and keep it secret (not the best options!).
Anyway, I told Sally about what I got up to in the loos and didn’t say ‘I’m Gay’ because I didn’t think I was. She was really supportive and it became our secret. I get sad and angry when I think back to how worried I was at that time but it was such a relief to tell someone.”
***
Leroy
“Well here is my rather quick coming out story. We all know that we are gay from early on and I was no different to anyone else. I was 18 and by this time I was really struggling with the questions and hiding. My mum is my best friend and confident in a way that I think few people understand as such her opinion of me is all that matters. I was too conflicted to tell her because I felt my world would just evaporate or explode if she didn’t accept me with open arms.
It had been a long day at work with just no end to the gay jokes and innuendo, Africa being what it is, feminine behaviour in a man is a big no-no and usually met with sarcasm and remarks. I hadn’t come out so I had to defend myself as it were as well. I walked into my mum’s house and just decided that it was now or never … I walked in, sat down next to her and just told her .. and the first thing she said to me was …
‘And’ …??…
‘Would you like to tell me something I don’t know??’ …
‘You are my child and there will never be anything I don’t know about you’.
‘There will never be anything that will make me stop loving you’.
From that day ‘till today there is no-one that can ever make my homosexuality seem inferior or make me ashamed to be what I am or who I am because I know the most important person in my life is happy with the way I turned out. I have told every person I have met so far without exception.I know I am luckier than some but at the end of the day if there is just one person that thinks your beautiful the way you are then your not doing too badly.”
***
Steve
“I only recently came out. I had been living overseas for 6 months, in which time being away from the life I was keeping myself a secret to, I had all the space in the world to find out more about myself, and feelings which I had previously been confused about. Whilst 6 months isn’t long, it was long enough to comfortably come to an understanding about myself, and when the six months was up, I was accustomed to myself.In the years that led up to this, I had previously wondered “am I or aren’t I, and spent a lot of time deliberating with myself, and at times said to myself “right I’m going to do it”, but the next day I’d be glad I didn’t. It took me a long time to buck up the courage, mostly because I wasn’t sure. I knew I didn’t like the opposite sex, however needed to make sure I liked my own sex - It sounds silly!
Anyway, on my arrival home, I spent about a month, before sitting down with my mum watching TV. Funnily enough it was loose women, and I turned to my mum and I said “Mum? I’m bisexual.” I lied. I’m gay, but at the time I still kind of wasn’t able to tell my mum that. It was the whole disappointing her with not giving her grandchildren thing that scared me, but since then she has worked it out, we have talked about my preferences, and she accepts that I will never give her ‘biological’ grandchildren, but we are closer than ever now.
We always were close, but now I am hiding nothing. My mum knows everything about me, from who I am dating to where I go clubbing. She plays an active part in my gay orientated lifestyle; She’s my fag hag and I love her! ”
